Break ups are hard….there is no question about it. Whether you have known that person for a week, a month or more, if your feelings are involved a break will affect you. Now, some are affected differently than others, but for me it’s all in how you break up. If we talk about it and somehow closure is given, I may be hurt but I can move on without that constant thought of what did I do to ruin this relationship. My recent breakup has left me feeling a bit raw. Oh, I get that for some reason unknown to me my “man” (I say this loosely) decided he didn’t want this anymore. There could have been a slew of reasons and I probably would have accepted them all had he told me.
Instead of taking the mature route and actually talking to me he sent me a dear jane text. The text was bad enough, however, I got this text not 3 days after a wonderful day spent together. Ladies, if we are honest with ourselves we usually see the signs that things are going down hill. It may start with his lack of enthusiasm when texting you. Or his short and distant responses. It could even be that he has cut down on the calls or the offers to get together. The bottom line is we see it, BUT, we choose to ignore the signs in hopes of a turnaround.
What this does for our self esteem is maddening. We start to second guess ourselves. Wondering if it’s something we have done or are doing wrong. We start to walk on egg shells hoping to prevent any further “mess ups”. The pressure alone is enough to drive you crazy. The entire time you are going through this drama in your own mind, your man is acting like his life is wonderful. Because it is!! He has already made his decision, he is just working up the nerve to tell YOU. There are men who are strong enough to deal with a face to face break up. But the majority of them are scared as hell. They don’t want any drama, or to answer the why question so they just do it without facing you…the cowards! The sad thing for me is I asked my man on more than one occasion, including the day we had our last wonderful day, if things were good. His reply was to always say that things were great and if he had a problem he would tell me. Well he sure did! He told me in a 3 sentence text message that he no longer wanted the relationship, he was sorry for hurting me “but this is goodbye sweetheart”.
It has been hard for me to move on. The reason being is as a woman I need closure. Men don’t seem to get this. I honestly feel they get a sense of power out of knowing you are going crazy wondering why. After my break up I went online to see how many others got the book via text and WOW was I surprised. The one word that was always given in these posts was closure or the lack there of. Many women, years after a break up are affected because there was never an ending. Just an abrupt break. Most of them stated that he just stopped returning text messages and not answering the phone. They didn’t even have the decency to end it in any manner. At least I got a text!
Having closure helps me to evaluate me. I can look at what I did and not repeat these things in my future relationship. It has taken many weeks and a few sleepless nights to realize that this is NOT my issue. He made a decision, and he acted on it. Although I don’t agree with how it was done I have to accept it and find my own closure in order to move on. That is where stalkers originate..in people who are unable to move past whatever they are feeling for a person. They think by staying in some form of contact, that person will one day realize they messed up. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG…the only thing you are helping that person realize is they made the best decision in getting rid of you.
I have no tips on how to handle the dear jane text breakup or any breakup for that matter. I am still having good and bad days but I am moving forward with my life. I know me and it’s clearly his loss. One day he may come trailing back around..will I take him back? Who knows! Right now all I can do is put one foot in front of the other while reaching back to close that door.
how2empoweru 